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That being said, believe this: Press the joystick up to shift your Hovercraft to the tip of his Fire Truck, then press the joystick down to slide your Rollerskate back down to the base of his Speedboat. After a few minutes of this, you are transported to a dimension of pure homoerotica. Here you maybe win one out of every 50 games. As you blast it, a second phallic-shaped man comes out of his crotch and tries to jab you with his stretching penis-arms and penis-head. They have the same demeanor they'd have if they were performing in a talent show for their grandmothers. The Yakyuken Special is like buying a stack of porno and only letting yourself read it if you can call a coin-flip 50 times in a row. We should just be happy that an octopus demon didn't slither into the room and take a crap on her forehead. If you win, she removes a piece of clothing. The only tough part is keeping your hand-eye coordination when things like a severed head riding a penis tries to kill you. The first boss is a monstrously huge man wearing a metal sphere for a codpiece. For censorship reasons, all genitalia referred to in this particular review have had their original names replaced with the name of a vehicle. While this is all going on, humpy jazz music is being mixed with the sounds of a woman panting. When you find a customer, the game switches to an action sequence of you riding his throbbing Dune Buggy in his unfurnished apartment. The main boss is a pyramid of men in bikinis launching Skittles out of their mouths. Here's the thing, though: By that time, it's either game over, or you're watching a prancing nude girl spread the spirit of friendship with her smile and exposed nipples. You start the game as a nine-story flying man in a Speedo firing lasers out of your viking hat, and yes you read the beginning of this sentence correctly. But not a sexy, stripper dance. You receive one dollar for each of these successful humps. You can lose at this game for 10 hours and spend each minute of it happy. That doesn't make it less hot. Then there's a video of her dancing. Two things growing out of your groin, and both of them are longer than your legs. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Eroticism: Continue Reading Below "Thank you, miss, but I'm just doing my job. Cho Aniki is a cross between Gradius and lubricated men having sex with each other.
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